Day 62 - Thor's Cheeky Tuesday

June 9th, 2015

Gym. Work. Library. Skip to Library: My fingerprinting appointment is tomorrow. I need to have a whack of documents filled out, ready to be coupled with the prints in a nice manilla envelope, and shipped, express. I had put off leaving for the library longer than I should have, and realized that time was running out. Tonight is Thor’s birthday, round two: Beef Cheeks at 6. I quickly fill out the forms that can be done digitally, and make sure I have enough coins to load up the printing card. Bonus: I can keep the printing card as a keepsake because they're changing systems.

I fly from the library to The Queens Tavern, a bit of a trek down Beaufort street. I arrive 15 minutes late to find a few of Thor’s working colleagues (and one housemate) drinking beer, waiting to order the meal of the night. What is the meal of the night, you might ask? It’s BEEF CHEEKS! Hilarious.

Beef Cheeks

The meat was deliciously succulent, melting the second a fork touched it. The drawback was that it was rather small, and I was famished. Everyone left, except me, Thor, and his french roommate, hungry for more. Thor always wanted to try the OMG burger, which is: 3 kobe beef patties, an egg, bacon, and side of fries. That’s one massive burger. It’s also $30, which we split three ways.

Back to Thor’s: we grabbed some beer on the way back, and drank a couple at his place before heading to Hip-E. It was just me and him, though others were supposed to meet us there. Still having it in my head that I was slightly hungry, I ate the free hotdog that came with early entry. This was a mistake. Too full to dance, and not particularly wanting to move... not the best for socialize. I gave Thor my drink ticket, and later found him another hotdog ticket from a vegetarian girl I had met - she's from Brampton! 

Thor making a stupid face

Overall, Thor seemed to have a good time, but the night wasn’t treating me very well. For me, it felt like one of those "alone in a crowded room" scenarios. I left him on the dance floor with a female companion around 1am, stealing away into the night.

Home. I had a disappointing discussion with Raph, my supposed-to-be travel companion who, it was planned, was to meet me in China. I had let myself believe he was going to come, despite all evidence to the contrary. Simply put, I didn’t want to believe that he would bail. I wanted to believe he was going to come through, both because I wanted to believe that he was one of the people who was capable - both situationally and courageously - of doing the trip, but also probably as a comfort blanket. Knowing someone would be in China with me would make the entire thing much, much easier, and definitely less daunting. It gave me the comfort that allowed me to more easily move forward. Maybe that's the purpose it ended up playing for me - some myth to believe in that makes the unknown easier to handle. 

While I’m disappointed that he’s not coming - and that’s putting it extremely mildly - it is also probably a good thing. I’ll become much stronger, both in mandarin and as a person. Like I’ve said before: I’m set on this path, and I intend to see it through.

The sign says it all

Meta Knowledge: Raph was an emotional lightning rod. He took the brunt of my disappointment and resentment that I had for Liz, compiled with what I had for him. If you look back, the depression following the days when I was supposed to go to the zoo were because Liz had severed contact with me. Through text. Without explanation. My interpretation is that both withdrew for the same reason: fear. Then again, this might be skewed due to how I work; insults often reflect more about the insulter than the insulted. I still don't have answers to either, but since I saw them as similar root causes, it hurt that much more, causing me react that much more violently. To be fair, however, I was much more disappointed in Raph than Liz. Things will work out for everyone as they will.